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A very good friend of mine emailed me this simple statement the other day. At first I wasn’t sure what she meant, but after reading those 6 words a couple more times, I was able to put it into context. You see, this friend just had a baby less than 3 weeks ago. And while she knew what to expect since this was her 3rd child, it still couldn’t erase that homesick feeling.
I started reflecting back on the births of my first son 2 years ago and my youngest son only 12 weeks ago and realized I also had felt that same feelings and to some extent still do. I couldn’t have put the notion of becoming a mom into better words because that statement describes this transition completely. And it doesn’t matter if you’re becoming a mom for the 1st, 2nd, or 10th time because you will always have days where you feel homesick for the comfort that your pre-children life provided. Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty when I wish I could re-visit throse simplistic times, even if only for an hour. But we shouldn’t feel guilty because it’s only human nature to want what was familiar when we are thrown into a world of chaos and unpredictability. And what’s more unpredictable than having a baby?!
In order to counteract that homesick feeling, I try to remind myself that all of this chaos is just a phase and that at some point I will feel pieces of myself and my old life resurfacing. At the same time, I tell myself not to wish away these times because once they’re gone, they’re gone for good. So accept this homesick feeling as a reminder that while things feel different and unfamiliar now while the kids are young, it won’t always feel that way. And someday, when the kids have grown up and moved away, you may even find yourself homesick for these chaotic times! Life is funny like that, huh?
When was the first time you felt homesick after becoming a mom?
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Just last year around Thanksgiving I got really homesick. I think the holiday triggered some old feelings of being home and not having the responsiblity I have now. I always think to myself if I don't feed the kids who will? Not that I don't feed my kids, it is just the responsiblity is so high and always there! So yes I do get homesick now and then. I would love to go home and not have anyone bother me,ask me a question, hear fighting between children, clean up messes, take kids to the bathroom, or remind them to be polite! Yikes! Oh, though I love my three blessings dearly and wouldn't change anything for the world. Enjoying your blog! I think it is therapy for us all!
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I agree, Somer. Holidays trigger homesick feelings for me, too. It still feels weird that I am a parent when sometimes I still feel like I am 18 or something!
Maybe this means that all moms should have a weekend (or week if possible) each year to go away (preferably to a spa or winery) and have no responsibilities. Now, if only we could figure out how to shut off our minds so we could TRULY relax and get in touch with our old selves!
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Great quote. But it sums it up well. And I like what you said about anytime you experience chaos, you feel homesick for the familiar. The first night Karl and I were home by ourselves with Kyra, I cried. It was a Friday night and we had friends stop by on their way out to dinner and a movie. And my brother and mom were over and went out to dinner to get a break. It donned on me then that my life had changed utterly and completely, and that we couldn't go out when we wanted like we used to. It was a hard pill to swallow, but now it seems so long ago! Of course, now I am homesick for a different reason. Being homeless does that to you.
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Haha Petra….you are quite literally homesick! But you're right – I still get that feeling, especially now that I have 2, that it will be a LONG time before I can just go out and not worry about kids or think about if they have their needs met before having fun. While I wouldn't change it for the world, it does just give you that "I miss my old life" feeling. Sort of in the pit of your stomach.
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I know exactly what you mean! I mostly feel it when I'm not getting my 8 hours of sleep!! Ahhhh…to sleep in again. But then I remind myself that I also had a job that I hated and I would never want to go back to that!
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I definitely agree with that homesick feeling…and I especially felt it after the birth of my daughter 5 months ago!
~WM
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Oh wow, GREAT question. I think it was last year at Christmas. We went home– to my childhood home, the house where I was raised, where my parents still live– for G's first Christmas. We were doing all the old holiday traditions, but it just didn't feel right. Something was different. I wasn't sure exactly what it was at the time… but it probably was homesickness.
~Elizabeth
http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com
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Any time I am sick, I get really homesick. I just want to be taken care of, and instead I have to take care of everyone else!
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This is a feeling I have been very familiar with recently. I struggle with it quiet often, but I think that has something to do with me being a young Mommy too. I would never trade my life now though, for anything. I couldn't imagine it without Bree, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss what it was Pre-Bree.
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What a timely post. My DH and I had some time w/o the kids to get some Christmas shopping done. When we stopped for lunch at a restaurant, it was amazing the calmness we felt, not having to tend to two little boys. It was surreal. I actually got to taste my food! Oh well, as soon as we picked up the boys, I loved kissing their little heads and lovin em up again.
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I guess I never longed for my pre-Graham life. However, in the midst of dealing with all his issues, I remember on occasion thinking, "I can't beleive this is my life!" Things are getting better for Graham and I have learned to deal better too. I remind myself not to keep longing for future milestones (I can't wait for him to walk, etc) as these baby moments are so fleeting. We must relish them!
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I've actually been feeling homesick this holiday. With my family moving off, I think its a preempt to when my kids are gone.
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What an excellent question. I think the first time I felt that was when Kierstin was about 3 months old. We moved to FL when I was pregnant with her. Our families came out to visit us right after she was born but by 3 months old, most of the visiting had stopped. It hit me hard that we were all the way out here, away from our family and had 2 babies. Now I can't imagine going backwards. I live for each moment with my kids.
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There have been two times that I have really felt homesick. Once was several months ago while my husband was struggling with a tough battle of depression. I was caring for our young son and trying to figure out what to do about my husband and I really just wanted someone to take care of me for once.
The other time I feel homesick is when I get sick. Right now I am home from work and going to take a nap, but if I feel better I am going to wrap christmas gifts and make phone calls I don't get to make from work. Where if I was home my mom or dad would be bringing me tea and soup and I would never leave the couch.
Yet, there are moments where I wouldn't trade it and those often outweigh the times I am "homesicK"
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